Published in Issue 7  (July, 2014) of International Coaching News magazine

Relationships are in everything that you do!  Whether the relationship is with yourself, someone very close to you or some you don’t know, each relationship comes with its own characteristics.

What is a relationship?  It is said to be a connection between two people, but this definition does not recognise the relationship you have with yourself.  Your most important relationship is the one you have within you, or in other words the relationship you have with yourself.  In other relationships, the depth of the relationship, the closeness of the relationship, the characteristics, and the emotion of the relationship will be determined by the type of relationship.  It is not often that we think about the relationship we have with ourselves.  As a coach it is important that this relationship is something that you are aware of.

The most profound relationship we will ever have is the one with ourselves.
Shirley MacLaine

You are with yourself every moment of every day.  As a coach your relationship with yourself is more important than your relationship with anyone else.  This is the same for your client. 

In my recent article ‘Universal Communication’ I talked about your Unconscious Mind and your Conscious Mind; and how these relate to Universal Communication.  Today let’s focus a little more on how the relationship between you and your mind works!  By understanding this within yourself, you will be able to understand it within your client.  With this article and over the next range of articles grow your understanding of how you can help your client with their own internal and personal relationship.

Often you will hear this called ‘self-talk’.  All this is, is the relationship you have within yourself or in other words the relationship between you and your mind! 🙂

One of the fundamentals of coaching is that coaches are non-judgemental, yet often you will allow judgements of yourself and others around you float through your mind and influence you.  In coaching it’s this judgement or these judgements that can sabotage a goal or a task or one step towards achieving the goal.

If you think you do a thing or you think you can’t do a thing, you are right!
Henry Ford

Remembering that research shows that 70% of the thoughts that each person has can be negative, which means that your ‘normal’ relationship with yourself is built on a negative support system. 

kilimanjaro01If someone were to walk up to you and ask you to climb to the summit of Kilimanjaro tomorrow, what would you say?  According to research and my experience of working as a coach, your immediate thought would be ‘I can’t do that!’

Whether you can climb Mount Kilimanjaro or not, it’s that immediate thought that has an impact on your decision.

STOP!  Ask yourself ‘what’s stopping me climbing Mount Kilimanjaro?’ 

Unknowingly over time you have conditioned your mind to respond automatically without conscious thought.  You have set your own expectations based on what you’ve experienced in the past or know from what has been and is now around you. 

We tend to live up to our expectations
Earl Nightingale (1921 – 1989)

What would happen if rather than think or say ‘I can’t do that’, you were to think or say ‘OK, although I’m not in Tanzania and I am very unfit, I can do this; maybe not tomorrow!’ 

kilimanjaro02How would you start to think if you took yourself through a visualisation of yourself at the top of the mountain?  What would the view be like?  What inspiration could you get if you were sitting at the top of Mount Kilimanjaro and looking out over the top of the world?

If you were to stop each time you had a negative thought, capture it on paper (exactly as you had the thought), and convert it into a positive thought; how would your automatic and natural thinking start to change?

Changing your relationship with yourself starts with becoming consciously aware of how you are talking to yourself.  It’s about being consciously aware of what you say each time you think about something, talk to yourself, or automatically and naturally respond to a question. 

‘You become what you think about.’
Earl Nightingale (1921 – 1989)

When you are working with your clients and you are listening at a Universal Level to what they are saying, what are you hearing?  Are your clients in the 70% automatic and natural negative thought relationship with themselves?  How can you help them change this to becoming a person who has an automatic and natural positive relationship with themselves? 

‘The mind moves in the direction of our currently dominant thoughts’. 
Earl Nightingale (1921 – 1989)

There are a number of ways in which you can help your client change their relationship with themselves and one very powerful exercise is using the reflection exercise.  Every time your client is consciously aware of a negative thought or response to a question, then ask them to capture that thought or response in their journal exactly as they heard the thought or made the response.  In a quiet moment either then or later, ask them to convert what was written down it into a positive statement.  If your client were to do this every time they became aware of a negative thought or response, their automatic and natural thinking will start to change!

Living the life of your dreams is a journey
of self-discovery and achievement!
© Barbara J. Cormack, Your Spiritual Coach

© 2014 Barbara J. Cormack.  All Rights Reserved.